Running on Empty: Full of It

 I know I said I was quitting writing. Well, I lied. I tend to do that, and to also change my mind, cause I’m a woman, and we’re diabolical. 

Not to say I’ve lied in my writing: I do tell the truth, and if anything is false it’s because I’ve exaggerated as part of my creative license (yes I have a license for that. How I got my drivers license I don’t know, but I am officially permitted to be creative. Thank god). And change my mind?…I do it all the time, evidenced by different outfits throughout the day, and multiple edits in my posts (only you wouldn’t know cause you don’t go back and re read them. But I have integrity). I only want the best (my names rhymes with best after all) and I’m only trying to be better, at the cost of forgetting the need to be better is to cease to be good. Didn’t I say I was diabolical?

Anyways this is probably all related to my “addictive personality” (I don’t really understand that phrase, but I’m going to use it cause it works (okay I looked it up, and it’s exactly what I have)). From being a slave to these rigging cancer sticks, to my high caffeine tolerance, to sugar to whatever…I need all the chemicals! I get fairly stimulated while smoking, drinking coffee, listening to music, and writing a post…all at once, which is what I’m doing now. Yes, that is how the magic happens. It’s chaotic, it’s spiritual, it’s better than going to the bar, and it works as a substitute for romantic love (which I have a pension for but I won’t divulge details of my romantic life). They say alcoholics who don’t “get with the program” (AA) just trade one addiction for another…or several. So you’ve been reading the manic product of some displaced addiction? Fair to say. I don’t know if you like it, but I do, even though these rants might haunt me for the rest of my life (though I don’t think I will ever run for political office). 

Are you ready to give up the grits? Hell no! 

After all, we’ve only just begun, and as my old roommate used to say it only gets worse! (I think that’s an AA saying (he had a lot of funny sayings, which he often laughed at himself. Love that dude)). Unknowingly I have traded in a career and starting a family, both worthwhile purposes, for this existence. This is supposed to be the prime of my life, so they say. Eh. Jesus died at 33, but at least he fulfilled his purpose (I think). It’s not quantity, it’s quality (is this going to be a diatribe of cliches?…). 

Jackson Browne: “Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive/ Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive.” I could say: Here’s to writing and telling the truth, keeping your love alive and not going crazy. But that’s too simple. Even though it would make for a nice plaque on your wall (if you like simple, just shoot for shit happens (I watched Forest Gump recently)). 

As I tab down for a paragraph, I know I’m supposed to write more. Do more. Think more. Feel more (is that my addiction talking? Yeah we all know who’s running the show). 

But I’m running on empty. See ya later. 

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