Kind of a Big Deal

 It’s just a normal Friday. I woke up and smoked a cigarette, like I always do, made a pot of coffee, ate a big pancake, and…got my new jeans! Yes. I ordered them on the kohls website and picked them up in the store.

This is kind of a big deal for me. Because I don’t have many jeans that I am fond of. In fact, I only have two: a pair of skinny legs that fit funny, and a pair of dark stretchy skinny leg, that I just loaned to a friend, which I got at the thrifty store and were my favorite (I don’t know if she’s going to bring them back :/). I used to have a pair of high waisted Vanilla Star skinny jeans with rips, but I got skinny and stupid and threw em in the trash. But I didn’t have any bell bottoms. John confessed that he thinks women’s legs look funny in skinny jeans, and that the bell look is much more flattering, and I agree.

I thought that look was out of style, and that wearing bell bottoms made you look like a new age hipster or a tacky byproduct of the seventies (peace, love, and dope!). I was wrong, and I should just go with my gut instinct. My legs were made for bell bottoms (it’s my destiny!). Low rise, powder blue bell bottom jeans (how many times am I allowed to say “bell bottoms?”). I was scared that I ordered the wrong size, but they fit perfect. They’re not like a big belled flare, but a modest bulky bubble around my ankles (they might properly be “boot cut,” but I’m sticking with bell bottoms!). Who knew that a good pair of jeans is what I was missing, and that it could make me so happy? I feel like celebrating! (In the old days that meant a hard drink, but instead I’m going to make another pot of coffee, and wear you out with my bell bottoms rampage).

I feel like I’m back in high school, like I am all that and a bag of chips, lol (I didnt know these pants came with a brand new ego. They should make a warning label). Like I could walk laps around this trailer park just to show off my jeans (woah sister, not a good idea). Like I won’t need another pair of pants for ten more years, and that is what I told John. He laughed. Ten Years After: who knows where I’ll be, but I’ll still need jeans (unless I join one of those uber long skirt Christian cults). 

We are going to the Cabbage Patch tomorrow, and now I can’t decide if I want to wear my jeans or this pea green hippie dress that’s been hanging in my closet, which John got me and I never wear :( Tough call. Unlike the food in the fridge, the clothes won’t spoil and there’s plenty of opportunities. But then I ask myself, should I straighten my hair? And wear that glitter hair spray? And what earrings and shoes?…I’m crazy, and it’s exhausting.

My brother texted me “I heard they have coleslaw wrestling at the cabbage patch.” Um, yes. But we’re not going there for that. What a good waste of coleslaw. 

But it is kind of a big deal. If you’re into that.

Right now I’m into these jeans, and I just might sleep in them. Just kidding, but they are sooo comfy, like they were made soft and broken in. I wouldn’t dare dip them in coleslaw; the vinegar smell would probably not come out (but then again I have two identical pairs. John says when you like something might as well get two). 

What is appealing about watching two women grab each others titties in a tub of creamy salad? If I was a man I would know (and know all their secrets!) and wouldn’t worry about what i was wearing. But I think both sexes can agree that a good pair of blue jeans are worth keeping. 

(Thanks to google, I now know that mama didn’t sell his new blue jeans in House of the Rising Sun, she sewed them. That’s cool. But I think it would be grittier if she sold them). 

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