Update: Boredom Killer

 Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?…sometimes I feel like I do, and if I did I’d be Sponge Brain Square Ball (Not quite an “astronaut in the ocean” (who said that? One of them rapper dudes)). No, I live in a trailer in Riverside Park (try singing that). And anchovies are not the problem. Life is weird. I got back on my medication (aren’t you so glad?) because my thoughts were becoming obsessive and overwhelming. That’s my Christmas gift to me, because I can’t afford a pack of newports. I couldn’t get John a gift, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t want one anyway, so his Green Bay packers stocking is empty. That’s okay; it looks good hanging on my guitar. Which I can’t even play. I desperately wanted to play “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell, but I’m no Joni Mitchell (or Sheryl Crow. But my grandpa says I’m a Jewel), and my dad says the chords to that song are complicated because Joni went to college. Well, I went to college. What is it doing for me? Pretty soon the big gov is gonna be after me for student loan debt, and then the collection agencies harassing me for unpaid hospital bills (did I really need a CT scan for lower back pain? It’s sciatica, btw). I guess I better lawyer up. Or become a lawyer. Or marry a lawyer (although my grandmother would prefer a Jewish doctor). It’s fun to be me. The “mean neighbor” — I mean the violently drunk and insane redneck— has not left the park, but is instead parked down the street in a freaking huge Winnebago, like he’s planning something heinous before he escapes to Tennessee, or he’s too plastered on LTD to actually drive. As Jack Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets: “is it getaway day and your last shot at [the] whiskey?” Beats me. Our neighbor Gale spray painted this on her wall before she left: “Thanks for the memories” (and another obscene phrase I can’t mention)….just like Barbara Streisand sang “misty water-colored memories.” Of the way we were? Well, I was a drunk (and I wasn’t even good at that). But I did go to college. So I might be an alcoholic, but I’m not stupid (hm that’s questionable, but it is a great retort. I might have to use that someday (it just means my very smart brain enjoys a buzz. Or a blackout)). Although, my sister claimed I was only book-smart and not street-smart. So I guess being good at crosswords is not going to help me out on “these streets,” and Shakespeare is not coming to my rescue (damn). But those puzzles are great boredom killers. And man am I bored. But more like I’m stuck between where mania and depression overlap (I’m not bipolar. I’m just in limbo). So I guess I’m on a roll (since I am a square ball (how does that work?). So here’s this post. 

PS. I always think of the perfect title later. What a shame (warning: be prepared for title changes).

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