Feeling Stronger Every Day

 It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but not here! Even though five o clock never meant much to me anyways: in the worst of it, all hours were drinking hours. Most people who know me would never think of me that way, but I was pretty reclusive at that time. 

“Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now,” sings Crosby Stills & Nash in Judy Blue Eyes.

What’s it like being sober every day and all the time? It’s like you’d think it would be: it’s dry, it’s boring. It lacks the sparkle of intoxication, the buzz and the bubble. But hey, I get to have a cigarette whenever I want, so…( you’re thinking, oh that’s great.(sarcasm noted)). I drink whatever else I want, too, preferably caffeinated, but I’m appreciating milk with a meal, and I should probably drink diet soda. I hang out with people who drink, though maybe I shouldn’t, but they’re great company (and awesome people) and they don’t tempt me or peer pressure me. In fact, I think they’re proud of what I’m doing. Jim says I “pulled (myself) up by the bootstraps.” Well, I had help. But I like the idea! 

“You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff,” Robert Palmer sings in Addicted to Love. Well, I’m not. “Your heart sweats, your body shakes,” and I would say: “another drink is what it takes” (that song could so easily be about alcohol. But it’s not. It’s about love). Of course I remember the pleasure of it; I could wax poetic. But I won’t. I’d rather expose the demonic nature of “the stuff,” but for so many people it will never be a problem, because they can have two drinks and they’re done, or they just don’t have the attraction to and craving for alcohol. For me, out of sight out of mind. Stop scratching and the itch will go away. Some would argue the  itch never goes away. It has for me…for now. Another drink and I’m done…or just begun.

Do I worry that I will drink again? Yeah. I’ve got a long life ahead of me. So that sucks. That’s why I have to take it one day at a time, as they say. I’m willing to let life unfold beautifully, even if it’s boring at times. So I write on this blog as I make sense of my life and the world. And I share my strength with you. Maybe it will help you through. 

PS. I wanted to name this post “The Magical Superpower of Sobriety.” Do you believe in magic? I do.

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